I am very pleased and extremely relieved to be able to
(finally!) announce that I have passed my PhD viva – and with only minor
corrections! This good news comes after more than five years of hard work and
emotional turmoil, and I am just so thankful that my PhD Dreams are almost a
I submitted my PhD thesis at the end of October. At the time, I had hoped that my viva (oral examination/defence) would be just before Christmas. However, there was a slight glitch that meant everything was delayed. But the outcome is such that I will still make the July graduation ceremony, so it all worked out in the end!
Because of the delay, I mostly ignored my thesis for nearly three months after submission. (Part of that was due to a post-submission illness.) It wasn’t really until the start of February that I started to really prepare for The Big Day, as blogged about here.
On the day of my viva, I woke up at 5am (after a slightly disrupted
sleep). I showered, put on a suitable dress for the occasion, and painted my
nails. I arrived at my office just before 8am and unpacked my bag, then I headed
down to the canteen for a full breakfast (with extra bacon!). Then, I waited
nervously for my 10.30am start time.
My thesis was examined by Sheila Webber, Senior Lecturer at the University of Sheffield iSchool (external examiner) and Dr Laura Muir, Associate Professor at the Edinburgh Napier University School of Computing (internal examiner). My Panel Chair (viva moderator) was Professor Ben Paechter, Director of Research in the School of Computing.
My Director of Studies, Professor Hazel Hall, also joined me at the viva to take notes. She sat behind me so that I would not be tempted to look towards her for input, but also so that any facial expressions she might have made didn’t throw me off.
I went into the room prepared with my trusty water bottle (my medication makes this a necessity!), two pens, several sheets of blank paper for notes, a handkerchief (in case of tears), and my thesis. I also brought with me a tummy full of butterflies and a mixture of fear, excitement, worry, and hope.
The gritty details:
At the start of the viva, the plan for the examination was explained.
The plan was to go through my thesis chapter-by-chapter, with questions alternating
between the examiners (for the most part). As the questions were lobbed at me,
I found myself examining the motivations behind them. Is this a question about
clarifying a confusing sentence? Is it because they were trying to tease out
the finer details about my methods? Is the question meant to challenge
something that the examiners held different views about? Or is it because they
want to see how (clearly) I can defend my position?
Some questions were easy for me to understand (assume) these
motivations. Especially when in the process of answering it was clear that my
response was “the right” response. But the motivation of others was a little harder
to pin down, especially when it because clear(ish) that the examiners were
coming at the thesis from a different perspective to my own.
Throughout the process, I found myself gauging how well the viva was going. I felt that I was heading towards a “pass, with corrections” but I couldn’t quite pin down if that would be minor corrections or major corrections.
It all felt quite positive and I felt (mostly) confident when answering questions and defending my work. I even felt that I stayed (mostly) on point and didn’t go off into a rambling tangent, something that I sometimes do when I am nervous.
And then I was blindsided by a bus! One of the examiners started down a path of inquiry that I was absolutely unprepared for. There was a back-and-forth that lasted what felt like about 5 minutes at the end of the viva that made my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. From that point on, I was no longer able to control my fragile emotional state and the tears started to fall (good thing I had that hankie, right?). I was certain that this was the thing that was going to take me from a pass with corrections to a resubmit (with or without a new viva). It was a horrible feeling and was, by far, the worst moment of my viva.
[Note: This isn’t to say that I think the questions were unfair or unwarranted. The examiners were fair, kind, and encouraging throughout the entire experience.]
At the end of that line of questioning, there was a very
short (1-2 minutes) wrap-up chat where I was asked if there was anything I
would like to add about my thesis as a whole. This was my opportunity to give
my work a final sales pitch. But by that time, I was too emotional and felt too
defeated to say anything more.
With that, I was asked to leave (along with my Director of Studies)
so that the examiners could chat with the moderator to confirm the outcome.
During that time, I sat in Hazel’s office, unable to stop the tears because I
was certain I would be resubmitting my work based on the “bus” questions.
Hazel, however, felt that I was still in the passing lane. She walked me
through some of the (many, and high quality!) notes that she took during the
viva and shared her own interpretation of the outcome. That helped to dry my
tears a bit, although I wasn’t as convinced as she was.
The wait in Hazel’s office felt quite short. It might have
been about 10 minutes – 15 at the very most. We were then invited back to the
examination room by the chair. I was feeling a little more positive by that
time (thanks, Hazel!) but I was still quite sure it wouldn’t be the result I
was hoping for.
However, when I walked in the room I was greeted with
smiles, a “congratulations”, and the words “passed, with minor corrections”. I
was extremely surprised at that outcome, given the bus that had knocked me over
just a few minutes earlier. But a short conversation followed about the “bus”
incident and it was made clearer to me what the examiner was hoping for from
that specific line of questioning.
The conversation to follow was about the general next steps
in the process. The first of these steps is that the examiners will write a
formal letter outlining the corrections that need to be made. That letter will
be sent to the research office at my university before a copy is sent to me. It
is at that time that my official corrections time will begin.
With minor corrections, I will have two months to complete
the changes before sending an electronic version of the amended thesis on for
my examiners to sign off on. After that, I will have my final thesis bound for
submission before graduation – which should be in July, barring any hiccups
along the way. My Panel Chair reassured me that we could revisit my current
non-PhD workload to ensure that I have time to make my corrections. (Although I
don’t think that there should be an issue, I felt very supported to have been
told this help is available.)
Once the viva was officially over, I was invited out to lunch with my examiners and Hazel. We enjoyed a wee toast with some lovely prosecco followed by a nice conversation about a wide range of topics not related to my PhD. (Which was nice!) After lunch, I made my way home as I was completely exhausted.
The personal reflection:
In a nutshell, my viva was not a fun experience. I know that isn’t what people want to hear, but for me, that is the truth. Although, I do acknowledge that my reflections might have been more positive without the aforementioned “bus” incident! (Also, it wasn’t a completely horrible experience.)
In the lead-up to the Big Day, I knew that my viva might be an emotional and exhausting experience. Like many of life’s big moments, I had invested my heart and soul into this. Thankfully, I know myself well enough that I knew I would be shattered from the experience. And that means that I didn’t make any plans to celebrate the day.
And I was right! The experience was so draining that I couldn’t truly be happy on the day. In fact, when I got home, I donned my pyjamas and cried a bit. I then had another glass of prosecco and called my parents to share the good news with them. Then I shared the news on Facebook (Twitter was saved until the following morning). That was the limit to my celebrations. (But not the limit to my tears!)
The following day I returned to the office and politely
thanked everyone who congratulated me. But I still couldn’t celebrate because I
was still too dazed from the experience. And now, three days later, I am still
a bit “meh” about it all.
Maybe these feelings of apathy are because I know that there
is still much work to be done before I graduate. Or maybe they’re because I am
too busy worrying about what my next steps will be after graduation (there are
so many questions about jobs, post-docs, and locations!). Of course, maybe
these feelings are simply a bit of exhaustion.
But, ultimately, I have passed my PhD (subject to minor
corrections) and that does make me happy – even if I can’t quite celebrate that
happiness just yet.
Thank you, again, to all of my lovely cheerleaders who’ve
encouraged me along the way. My PhD Dreams aren’t over quite realised yet, but they
are almost a reality!